RSVP...Répondez, s’il vous plaît...Please reply...Regrets only...
However it may be listed on the invitation, that simple line of request is all too often ignored by potential party guests. It grinds my gears...it truly does. But, instead of simply venting on why, when and how much I hate hounding guests for their previously requested responses...what follows is a brief etiquette lesson to ensure you are not only an amazing party guest...but an amazing human being. Enjoy!
How to RSVP like a Champion:
1. Timing Matters
For a more casual event, there may be a deadline to respond but generally, the request will be open-ended. It is respectful to respond to the host of the event within a day or two of receiving the invitation. Should something happen prior to the event, it is acceptable to contact the host to change your response. It's less appreciated when it's a day-of change...but just showing up without giving the host notice is unacceptable and being a no-show is just plain rude.
2. Respond as Requested
Generally, the invitation will specify the manner in which to respond. For example, an email address or phone number will be listed with the response request. If the host truly loves you, an enclosure card with a pre-stamped envelope might be included. If not, take your cue from the form of the invitation. If the invitation was extended via email, reply via email...if the invitation was extended via phone, reply via phone, etc.
3. Short and Sweet
If the event is large, the host will be (happily) inundated with responses...so keep it short and sweet. A long explanation as to why you have to decline, isn't really necessary so a simple and polite note of regret would be appreciated. For example...
Thank you so much for the thoughtful invitation. I hate that I must decline due to a previous commitment.
Thank you so much for the beautiful invitation! Chris and I are excited to attend!
4. "RSVP" is not the answer
This is a personal pet peeve, but I just had to include it. I will judge you...hard...if you respond to my invitation with any form of the following...this is my RSVP or I'm RSVP'ing for the event. Ok...I'm assuming that you will be attending but I can't really be sure. RSVP literally translates to "please reply". It doesn't mean I'm accepting your invitation or declining your invitation...it is the actual request. So, again, use one of the following templates:
Thank you so much for the thoughtful invitation. I hate that I must decline due to a previous commitment.
Thank you so much for the beautiful invitation! Chris and I are excited to attend!
5. "May I Bring..."
Nope...the answer is nope. If the invitation was not addressed to you plus a guest or you plus your children, please for the love of please, do not ask the host if you can bring one, two or three additional people. If you were invited to an event to represent an organization and you are unable to attend, the host will ask for other potential representatives when you decline. Until then, assume it's a non-transferable invitation.
6. To include restrictions/needed accommodations or not...that is the question.
This is a tricky one. If you do not have a personal relationship with the host, I believe it's best to include any restrictions, allergies or special accommodations needed when responding to the invitation. The host would rather make any changes or revisions to the event in advance than have to tweak something day-of. For example...If you are invited to a sit down dinner that does not include menu choices and you are a vegetarian or have severe peanut allergies, it's best to mention something to the host in advance. If you require accommodations due to any physical handicaps, it is best to mention something to the host in advance. If you are invited to a buffet reception and you just don' t like seafood, it's not necessary to include that in your response. The host wants all of the guests to be comfortable and enjoy their experience but he/she has also put a lot of work and effort into the menu, venue and plan, so just keep that in mind when requesting special accommodations.
7. Lack of Response...Ugh.
Another personal pet peeve...your lack of response is not the proper way to decline or accept the invitation. When I, as the host, have to "touch base" with non-responsive guests and that person replies with " Well, I didn't respond because I can't go" or "I assumed that me not responding was telling you that I can attend"...my skin literally crawls. Again, RSVP translates to "please reply", so please reply.
8. But it didn't ask for a response?
Well, you're technically in the clear...but be a sweetie and offer a response anyway. The host will appreciate your extra effort!
Ok...so maybe this was a little bit of a rant disguised as an etiquette lesson...but ignore my motives and heed the advice! When you "RSVP" like a Champion, the host will adore you...trust me! The thought, effort and kindness extended by the host to include you in her/his event should be matched with your respectful response of accepting/declining the invitation...it's the least you can do!
Do you have etiquette questions? Feel free to email Rachel at trulyhaute@gmail.com!
