Getting Kiddos Down the Aisle

A couple months ago I was asked to start blogging for the Woman's Hosptial's Mommy-Go-Round Blog. One of my first posts hit in the middle of Spring or, as we think of it, wedding season! So, I shared my thoughts on getting young kiddos down the aisle through my personal experience of getting my own little wild woman down the aisle at Jennifer's wedding. She was right around 18 months old...so of course, hilarity ensured! Please enjoy this "repost"! 

XOXO

Rachel 

As a wedding planner, I’ve seen my fair share of ceremony bloopers. From the best man forgetting the rings to bridesmaid trip-ups and even officiants mispronouncing names… you name it, I’ve seen it! My favorites, however, revolve around child participants. Oh how those flower girls and ring bearers can steal the show with their adorable little tactics!  

Well, it was all fun and games until my Lily was asked to be a flower girl when she was just about two years old. Will she wear the dress? Will she walk down the aisle? Will she show her tail (literally and/or figuratively)? Before my eyes flashed every screaming child from years of weddings. I was stressed out before I was done expressing my gratitude to the bride for asking her. I now completely understood the looks of terror on the parents’ faces beforehand and the several glasses of wine they would down afterward. While I had a few tricks up my sleeves to get strangers down the aisle…this was personal. I approached this little challenge with vigor and determination. Lily would be the most adorable flower girl…if it killed me. So the preparations began…and while rocky at times…worked! With wedding season currently in full bloom, I wanted to share our experience with our terrible two flower girl!

Before the Wedding

We talked “wedding” often. As soon as she was asked, we started talking about how fabulous weddings are and what fun they are to be in. She was so young that I’m sure she caught about .01% of everything we said but I was determined! We read books, colored pictures, and even sang made-up songs about the honor of being a flower girl. I’m sure she just thought her parents were cuckoo birds but on the off-chance it got her excited, we kept it up!

We practiced. We placed our dining room chairs into a make-shift ceremony, played some Canon in D, and had her prance up and down the “aisle”. Thankfully, we didn’t have to worry about her actually doing anything, like drop petals, so practices basically revolved around reminding her not to sprint whilst laughing like a hyena. My heart palpitations never let up…because she never walked down the practice aisle without the hyena-esque laughter. Oh joy…

We played dress up. When the dress arrived, I was so excited to have her try it on. It was a full and fluffy little dress that I just knew would make her look like an adorable cupcake. I made a big deal about trying it on and once she had it on, I kissed the visuals of her twirling around with a hug smile goodbye…because she screamed with discontent. She hated it. Again, oh joy…

Day-of the Wedding

We kept her happy. Oh, you want some goldfish? Here you go. Oh, you want some juice? No problem. Oh, you want to play on this iPad? Let me turn it on for you. Nap time was non-negotiable and that was about my only line in the sand.  Don’t judge…I was not going to have a screaming baby in front of all these people.

We kept her occupied. While everyone was getting dressed and having pre-ceremony photos taken, we kept her occupied with reading, coloring, and supervised exploring. I was actually a bridesmaid so we called in reinforcements. GranZee and Pops kept Lily as happy and as busy as possible! She was loving every minute of it…probably due to all the attention!

We bribed. Oh yes, we took it a step further from just keeping her happy…we bribed her with the idea of the biggest piece of wedding cake that could be cut and the promises of dancing the night away. Worth it.

Actually Getting Down the Aisle

Once the wedding started, I was a hot mess. Would she cooperate? I walked down the aisle as a bridesmaid, took my place, and held my breath. GranZee stayed with her until the very last moment and showed her where my husband was seated (on the end and as close to the front of the seating as possible). I heard GranZee say “now, walk to Daddy”. I’m sure everyone in attendance could hear my heart beating and if they couldn’t, they could see the terror on my face! While she took off at a speed that did not match the sweet and soft music playing…she made it and she was adorable!

Photo by Chantilly Wedding Photography

Whew! The much anticipated moment had past…the couple was successfully married…and now, I was allowed to relax and make good on my promises!

Photo by Chantilly Wedding Photography

Yep, that girl had her cake and danced the night away!

If your little one is heading down the aisle soon, my advice is to prepare for the worst and hope for the best! It’s a fun experience that your kiddo will probably love and so will you…afterward…with drink in hand!

The Art of Saying Thank You

This post is not only a "haute advice" post...but will also serve as my tacky, tacky, tacky confession. 

Please be kind in your judgement...

Recently my little hautie had a birthday party...and...gulp...I never got around to sending thank you notes. 

GASP! Oh, the horror! 

Our wonderful friends and family took the time out of their lives to not only celebrate with us but to shower our little crazy girl with awesome gifts...and we never properly thanked them! As I hang my head in shame, I am embarrassed and none of my excuses (I've been so busy with work and our home and our little one on the way, etc.) are viable! 

So, this post will serve as a gentle reminder to us ALL on how to properly thank our guests. 

1. You should produce a handwritten thank you note for every gift you receive at your showers, parties, wedding, etc. Even if your writing looks like chicken scratch, handwritten is always preferred. Handwritten notes indicate to the recipient that this is not a "form" letter and you took the time to sit down and write a special note specifically for them. Handwriting your note is that little extra effort that truly goes a long way.

2. Timing is hard, but key. Especially when you are in the middle of an engagement, taking the time to write your thank you notes can be challenging...but you can do it! The proper timeline for thank you notes to go out should be two weeks after a shower or party and no more than 8 weeks after a wedding. Don't put them off to do all at once, the task will just grow and grow until you are too overwhelmed to deal with it...and then you become a tacky, tacky mess like me. Don't become a tacky, tacky mess like me...you're better than that. Do a little at a time, get your fiance in on the fun, and tackle the note writing as the gifts come in. 

3. I love paper.  I feel that stationery can be such a fun expression of creativity. I own WAY more stationery than I probably should. From fun/cutesy to family-style to professional..any excuse to buy new note cards and I will. (Shout out to the hubs for his understanding!) When it comes to thank you notes associated with a wedding or event, I'm a big fan of the note cards matching or at least corresponding with the invitation, but that isn't necessarily a must. I just think it's a little detail that helps tie everything together into one cohesive design. I am also a fan of your wedding note cards being a little more formal, to appropriately match the occasion.

4. Don't stress about the content. It is easy to put together an appropriate thank you card with this little formula in mind: 

address the recipient + express your appreciation, specifically mentioning the gift and how you might use it + close with additional appreciation = BAM! A meaningful note! 

For example, when you receive a gift you love:

Dear John Doe,

Thank you so much for the beautiful silver serving dish. It is the perfect addition to our set and I can't wait to use it the next time we have dinner guests. I hope you and Jane will join us for dinner in our new home soon! It means so much to us that you thought of us during this special time. Your friendship is such a blessing to us!

Love, 

Rachel & Chris

Oh no, we hate the gift. What do we do say now? Well...

Dear John Doe,

Thank you so much for the [fill in the blank because I'm having a hard time of thinking of something awful]. We will think of you every time we [use it, ride it, look at it, enjoy it?]. It means so much to us that you thought of us during this special time. Thank you so much for sharing our joy!

Sincerely,

Rachel & Chris

What if it was a monetary gift or gift card? Don't mention the specific amount but do mention how you might use it. For example:

Dear John Doe,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and generous gift. We are so looking forward to filling our new house with all the little items that will make it a home and we look forward to putting your gift to good use! It means so much to us that you thought of us during this special time. Thank you so much for celebrating our wedding with us!

Fondly,

Rachel & Chris

5. Other Yays and Nays:

-Don't use stationery with your married monogram or name until after the wedding.

-Never mention if you are planning to return a gift. 

-It's best to use blue or black ink when writing a thank you note because it's easier to read.

-Don't use pencil! It could get smudged and become illegible fast!

-Do your research on the correct spelling of the recipients name...how embarrassing if you get it wrong!

-It is a good idea to keep a log or record of every gift received before and after the wedding. This will help you stay organized and give you the great pleasure of crossing off or checking off those you have done!

Remember, it's the thought that counts and you are simply thanking them for thinking of you.

If you have specific questions, please don't hesitate to email Rachel at trulyhaute@gmail.com

How to be a Fabulous Wedding Guest

I love a wedding. From the fabulous food to the exquisite details, there are few better celebrations than watching two friends tie the knot! It's an honor to be included on the guest list so I always want to mind my Ps and Qs while enjoying the fun. Unfortunately, not everyone is on their best behaviors as wedding guests. Whether intentional or not, it's just unacceptable! 

So, here are a five pointers on being a fabulous wedding guest.

1. Pay attention to how your invitation is addressed. If there isn't an "and guest" after your name, then leave your special friend at home. Same goes for "and family". Take advantage of the opportunity to grab a babysitter and have a fun date night! Don't take it personally, the couple has to make serious decisions when creating their guest list. The venue might not be appropriate for children or they might be really restricted on a guest count so random dates can't be included. Again, don't take it personally but celebrate the fact that YOU were included to witness their special day!

2. Ladies...seriously...don't wear white. I'm going to take it a step further and tell you to stay away from ivory as well. Only one girl needs to be wearing shades of white on a wedding day, and that is the bride. My grandmother would beat me silly if I broke this rule, but I see it at every wedding. Even if you look fabulous in that white lace sundress, look fabulous somewhere else. Sorry to be harsh, but if you wear white to a Truly Haute wedding, I'm judging you....hard.

3. Let the photographer/videographer do their job. They are passionate about capturing the special moments of the day (not to mentioned paid to do so!)...but they can't adequately do their job if you are incessantly jumping in front of them to take photos with your phone. I love social media as much as anyone, but snap your pics on the side...not directly in the line of the professionals.

4. Leave the decor alone! Oh my word, stop pulling flowers out of centerpieces. If you had any idea how much thought and effort (again, not to mention cash!) went into selecting those exact arrangements, you would leave them be! On the same note, leave candles where you found them and don't blow them out...come on!

5.  Act right. You were probably raised right, so act like it! This includes, but is not limited to, drinking responsibly, toasting appropriately, dancing only fabulously, and not eating like a toddler. Also, when the party is over...leave. Don't hang around until the lights are on and the vendors are cleaning up...move the party elsewhere!

And, one to grow on....a personal pet peeve...keep your shoes on! If you think you will literally dance until your feet hurt, slip some flats into your purse. I'm just not interested in seeing your bare feet...especially dancing in puddles of spilled signature cocktails all over the dance floor. Gross.

Remember, a wedding is a celebration of your friends' love, relationship and commitment. Respect their decisions and just enjoy the day!

-Rachel

How to Rock Your Guest List

One of the hardest, yet most important, things you will tackle when planning a wedding is confirming the guest list. A fight will inevitably ensue between the couple...the parents...and even the future in-laws. It's the nasty necessary evil of wedding planning...but, your guest list will dictate your budget, venue, and essentially every other detail down the road so confirming that little list should be one of the first things you do. 

Here are a couple tips that will take that mundanely challenging task to moderately enjoyable:

1. Have a serious conversation with your fiance about your wedding day visions and expectations. You don't have to make detail decisions now...but you do need to decide if an intimate shindig or elaborate soiree is the best celebration of your love. Starting on the same page is key. Remember, this is a celebration of you as a couple...let your couple style shine!

2. Reach out to everyone that will be contributing {i.e. all sets of parents, etc.} and ask them to submit their preliminary lists. Make sure everyone knows the wedding vision you and your fiance have because if you are dreaming of an intimate, backyard wedding for 30 and your starting list is over 300...you might have a bigger hill to climb than most. Be clear and confident when expressing your desires. {When trying to remember everyone for your list, Facebook is really a great tool to scour. Take a journey through your friends list and ask your families to do the same!}

3. Combine the lists into a spreadsheet and let the fun begin! Sit down with your future hubs and categorize each name. We suggest a bottle of wine and the following:

-The "A List". These guests are your immediate families, your wedding party and your closest friends. You will absolutely DIE if these individuals aren't present for the big day. You might even consider changing your date for them since they are SO important. They are, without question, a must invite!

-The "B List". These guests are your distant family members and dear friends. You would love for them to attend your wedding but if something happened and they couldn't, you would live and continue to celebrate merrily.

-The "C List". These guests are your acquaintances, your friends of friends, your mother's aunt's fifteenth cousin removed (is that even a thing?). These are the people you completely forgot about until you ran into them at the grocery store and they congratulated you on your engagement. Yes, you know them...but really, do they need an invite to the wedding?

- The "Blah List". Ok, don't judge...we all have them. The people you know wouldn't come to your wedding if it was in their backyard, but if you don't invite them, they will make your mother's experience at church every Sunday from here on out simply awful. We understand...tag them as "blah"!

4. While you are categorizing your list, also think about the likelihood of attendance and start your estimated guest count. This digit will determine your budget, venue, etc. Every vendor you meet with and book will ask for this number. Yes, you could always rely on the traditional formula that 75-80% of your guest list will attend...but every wedding is different. Really think about your family and friends and customize your estimation that way.

5. Yay or Nay to kiddos? Having children at a wedding can be adorable but it can also be a challenge. Think about the type of wedding you are envisioning, your venue, your typical wedding guest and your budget (children will count towards your guest count). Would it be appropriate? If so, invite away! If not, be purposeful with your invitation wording to politely suggest "adults only".

6. On that same note, another challenge can be the "plus one" situation. Some of  your single friends will expect the opportunity to bring a date and others will not even consider bringing a tag-along because of all your hot and single bridesmaids/groomsmen! Our suggestion is to offer the "plus ones" when appropriate because, once again, those dates will count towards your guest count and contribute to your wedding vision.

7. Before you start sending out save-the-dates or invitations, sit down with those contributing to your wedding once again and talk about your categorized list. Discuss the wedding vision again and cut/finalize the list to fit. Since the list is categorized and prioritized, it will be easier to make those decisions. We suggest another bottle of wine because after this conversation, it's time to celebrate...because your guest list is done!

8. Oh no, you just ran into someone NOT on the final guest list and they are asking about your wedding...what to do, what to do??? Keep Calm and Smile on! The best description of your wedding is now "we are so excited to have an intimate celebration of our marriage". Intimate indicates that you had to be selective of your guest count.

As this process unfolds, please keep in mind that this is YOUR day and a celebration of YOUR love. Whoever will make that celebration perfect and memorable is all that should be included on your guest list...because that is all that matters. Bernard Baruch said it best...

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"

Best of luck! If you have specific questions or need a little help with your planning, feel free to email us at trulyhaute@gmail.com.

How to RSVP like a Champion

RSVP...Répondez, s’il vous plaît...Please reply...Regrets only...

However it may be listed on the invitation, that simple line of request is all too often ignored by potential party guests. It grinds my gears...it truly does. But, instead of simply venting on why, when and how much I hate hounding guests for their previously requested responses...what follows is a brief etiquette lesson to ensure you are not only an amazing party guest...but an amazing human being. Enjoy!

How to RSVP like a Champion:

1. Timing Matters

For a more casual event, there may be a deadline to respond but generally, the request will be open-ended. It is respectful to respond to the host of the event within a day or two of receiving the invitation. Should something happen prior to the event, it is acceptable to contact the host to change your response. It's less appreciated when it's a day-of change...but just showing up without giving the host notice is unacceptable and being a no-show is just plain rude.

2. Respond as Requested

Generally, the invitation will specify the manner in which to respond. For example, an email address or phone number will be listed with the response request. If the host truly loves you, an enclosure card with a pre-stamped envelope might be included. If not, take your cue from the form of the invitation. If the invitation was extended via email, reply via email...if the invitation was extended via phone, reply via phone, etc.

3. Short and Sweet

If the event is large, the host will be (happily) inundated with responses...so keep it short and sweet. A long explanation as to why you have to decline, isn't really necessary so a simple and polite note of regret would be appreciated. For example...

Thank you so much for the thoughtful invitation. I hate that I must decline due to a previous commitment.

 

Thank you so much for the beautiful invitation! Chris and I are excited to attend!

4. "RSVP" is not the answer

This is a personal pet peeve, but I just had to include it. I will judge you...hard...if you respond to my invitation with any form of the following...this is my RSVP or I'm RSVP'ing for the event. Ok...I'm assuming that you will be attending but I can't really be sure. RSVP literally translates to "please reply". It doesn't mean I'm accepting your invitation or declining your invitation...it is the actual request. So, again, use one of the following templates:

Thank you so much for the thoughtful invitation. I hate that I must decline due to a previous commitment.

Thank you so much for the beautiful invitation! Chris and I are excited to attend!

 

5. "May I Bring..."

 

Nope...the answer is nope. If the invitation was not addressed to you plus a guest or you plus your children, please for the love of please, do not ask the host if you can bring one, two or three additional people. If you were invited to an event to represent an organization and you are unable to attend, the host will ask for other potential representatives when you decline. Until then, assume it's a non-transferable invitation.

 

6. To include restrictions/needed accommodations or not...that is the question.

 

This is a tricky one. If you do not have a personal relationship with the host, I believe it's best to include any restrictions, allergies or special accommodations needed when responding to the invitation. The host would rather make any changes or revisions to the event in advance than have to tweak something day-of. For example...If you are invited to a sit down dinner that does not include menu choices and you are a vegetarian or have severe peanut allergies, it's best to mention something to the host in advance. If you require accommodations due to any physical handicaps, it is best to mention something to the host in advance. If you are invited to a buffet reception and you just don' t like seafood, it's not necessary to include that in your response. The host wants all of the guests to be comfortable and enjoy their experience but he/she has also put a lot of work and effort into the menu, venue and plan, so just keep that in mind when requesting special accommodations.

 

7. Lack of Response...Ugh.

 

Another personal pet peeve...your lack of response is not the proper way to decline or accept the invitation. When I, as the host, have to "touch base" with non-responsive guests and that person replies with " Well, I didn't respond because I can't go" or "I assumed that me not responding was telling you that I can attend"...my skin literally crawls. Again, RSVP translates to "please reply", so please reply.

 

8. But it didn't ask for a response?

 

Well, you're technically in the clear...but be a sweetie and offer a response anyway. The host will appreciate your extra effort!

 

 

Ok...so maybe this was a little bit of a rant disguised as an etiquette lesson...but ignore my motives and heed the advice! When you "RSVP" like a Champion, the host will adore you...trust me! The thought, effort and kindness extended by the host to include you in her/his event should be matched with your respectful response of accepting/declining the invitation...it's the least you can do!

 

 

 

Do you have etiquette questions? Feel free to email Rachel at trulyhaute@gmail.com!

 

Facility Coordinator vs. Day-of Coordinator

When we meet with potential clients, more often than not the topic of facility coordinators versus a day-of wedding coordinator is brought up. Luckily, Rachel can share a very unique view of this topic, having started her love affair with weddings as a facility coordinator at a local plantation years ago.

So, Rachel... Share the good, the bad, and the ugly!

What is a facility coordinator? A facility coordinator is hired by the facility, be it a church, plantation or reception hall, to ensure that the clients leave pleased with their choice to host their function at that venue while staying within that facility's policies and procedures. Obviously, every facility coordinator is different. Some go above and beyond the call of duty, while others do exactly what is necessary. Every venue is also different, so don't hesitate to ask very detailed questions regarding the coordinator's role before booking.

When I was a facility coordinator, I typically did not have contact with the bride until the week of the wedding. I was present at the rehearsal to ensure that the rules of the facility were mentioned to the wedding party and families. On the day of the wedding, I helped the vendors set up and made sure everything ran smoothly and everyone was pleased. If the bride forgot something or missed a big step in her planning (i.e. didn't order enough flowers, estimated guest count was off, poorly researched vendors beforehand, etc.), there was very little I could do as a facility coordinator to help her on that day. We always made it work, but there were times when the bride did have to make some compromises because some steps were skipped.

The major role of a facility coordinator is to be an advocate for the facility. A facility coordinator ensures the facility provides everything promised in the contract while making sure all guests, vendors, and the couple follow the facility rules while having a fabulous event. The biggest take away is that the facility coordinator will only be in attendance or able to help with the activities happening during the event at that particular facility. They aren't going to help with the coordination of the ceremony if you are only having your reception at her venue and vice versa. If you have the facility for three hours, you have the coordinator for three hours.

Please know that most facility coordinators in the Baton Rouge area are pure pleasures to work with and truly care about the importance of a successful wedding day....but here is the major difference...

What is a day-of wedding coordinator? A day-of wedding coordinator is an outside individual, not affiliated with a specific venue, that handles all the details of your entire wedding day. Hopefully, the couple communicates with this individual throughout the planning process to ensure familiarity is established and that all details are tied up and ready to go for the big day.

The day-of wedding coordinator might be a traditional wedding planner but, with this particular situation, was probably not involved with every small detail and step of the planning process. A day-of coordinator is typically hired to make sure the plans of the bride come to fruition. Basically, for the bride who just needs a little organization for the last bit of her planning process.

Any wedding planner will tell you, our preference is to be involved from step one: assisting with the event design to make sure every detail is cohesive and fabulous; making sure every potential crisis is averted from day one; and, most notably, that every possible want, wish, and desire of the couple is met from the beginning. With this being said, I am still tickled pink when a bride contacts us toward the middle of her engagement asking for a day-of wedding coordinator. Although all of our packages are custom made to fit the specific needs of our Hauties, typically, our day-of coordination services have us entering the scene no later than the last month of the planning process. In this final month, our coordinators serve as a liaison between the bride and the various vendors, communicate the detailed timeline and set up of the entire wedding day to all involved, and handle the logistical details of the rehearsal, set up, ceremony, reception, and break down.

The major role of a day-of wedding coordinator is to be an advocate for the bride. A day-of coordinator ensures that the bride is provided everything that every vendor has promised and that all needs of the couple are met throughout the entire wedding. Every wedding coordinator is different, so make sure to ask detailed questions before signing a contract.

Can you and should you have both? You absolutely can have both a facility coordinator and a day-of wedding coordinator! In fact, I encourage it! This just ensures that any challenge or crisis that occurs can be handled with ease. You have an advocate for you and for the facility... so all I's are dotted and all T's are crossed! Most facility coordinators breathe a sigh of relief when you tell them you have an outside coordinator because the extra set of hands just ensures that everything can be done quickly, smoothly, and more fabulously!

Ultimately, you have to do what's best for you. But, I will point out that when you hire professionals to handle your wedding day...the stress of "Will everyone show up on time? Will everything be set up the way I like? What if something happens when I'm getting my hair done?, etc." is gone and all you have to do is focus on the importance of the day and the beautiful celebration of your new journey with the love of your life!

If you have any questions or need clarification on any of the statements above, please don't hesitate to contact Rachel at trulyhaute@gmail.com.